To whom it may concern,
What a fool you are. Why in Pete's good name, did you event the bottle opener? It's a mouthful of letters I hate. It takes forever to type without accidently typing 'bopple otener' and, well, let's face it, if people opened bottles with their teeth, there wouldn't be so many lonely dentists. Dentists get lonely too, y'know?
Now, my very mortal sidekick (Andy. Oh, hey Andy. Yes, yes, fine. You too, Keesh.) poses the question, why don't they just use screw tops?
Well, inferior, it's because it's always more fun to watch people attempt to take said lid off bottle by banging it against the table, then failing miserably, and smashing the thing a lil bit. What a laugh.
Yours,
-Daphne.
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