The Sadistic Art Of Pumpkin Carving.

Who was it that came up with this daft idea? I bet it was the Protestants.
Still, as a little'un I used to cherish the afternoon spent elbow depth in a stringy, weird smelling vegetable. Actually, it might be a fruit...ask the Protestants.
However, I have come to question the logic of carving a face into said plant. You see, this year I think we should all carve dentists into them. It'd do a better job of scaring away the children high on sugar- et voila! The children's teeth are mercifully saved by our artistic genius, and willingness to break the tradition of triangular toothed, slit eyed fregetables (I still haven't decided if it's a fruit or a vegetable.) and we get to keep the sweets. A great night for everybody.
Should the dentist pumpkin fail, I will just have to open the door and insist on reciting the first 15 stanzas of Virgil's Aeneid. That'll teach them.
A nugget of wisdom: (this is not so much a nugget of wisdom, as something that was just requested of me) My mum just told me to make pumpkin cake. PUMPKIN CAKE. I CAN FEED THIS TO THE CHILDREN. MWHOA HAHAHHAHAHAAAA. They won't know what hit them.

Half three...

Ahreet, pet?
For those of you who don't speak Geordie, that was 'Alright, pet?'. One day my Geordie will be fluent.
Apparently the people of America don't say the time like we do. This is what I learnt last night. "Half three" seems to confuse them a tad. Perhaps I should explain what happened....
The beauty of webcams, my friends, something to ponder. How to use a webcam, something greater to ponder. I have absolutely no idea. I let Emma fiddle about with it, and smiled and waved at appropriate intervals. Anyhow, it was such a laugh- I've never been high fived over the t'interwebs before. Try it.
Cures for headaches, people? Fatherman thought I'd been 'on the lash'...no such luck.
A  nugget of wisdom: never leave Emma near traffic. It can only end badly.

-Daphne.

Pennies, Prince Philip, and Jeremy Clarkson.

I wonder what it's like to have your head on a penny?
Man, imagine if the queen didn't like her profile...that'd grate on you. Everytime you opened your purse to have just your one eye staring back out at you...
On the subject of the royal family, bless 'em, I have some excellent Prince Philip quotes. Gotta love Philip. If I was in the Royal family I'd set my goals in life to be exactly as fantastically blunt as he is. Like Jeremy Clarkson. But Jezza's amazing for a very different type of honesty...
After being told Madonna was singing the Die Another Day theme in 2002: "Are we going to need ear plugs?"
"You ARE a woman, aren't you?" Kenya, 1985.
At a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002:“So who’s on drugs here?... HE looks as if he’s on drugs.”
"People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.” 2000.
On robots colliding, Science Museum, 2000: “They’re not mating are they?”

This is why I love the royal family. Even Prince Philip.
A nugget of wisdom: sneezing cures hiccups. Apparently.

-Daphne

Half Term, and Nicknames.

Oi, oi. I hath been away, mortals. I do apologise, yet now it is half term, so I will go on a vigorous blogging spree to make up for my absence. You love it, really. So stop your groaning.
How was your week? Mine's gone by in a whirlwind of education, foreign languages, and Facebook. Are you proud?
I can't tell you what a relief half term is. I have been working like a maniac. More of a maniac than I normally am, that is. And I'm gunna spend it well. Aside from the horrendous set of revision, coursework/ homework, and reading list I've got, I plan on doing a crawl of the vintage quarter in "Bridders" as I like to call it. (Where's that when he's at home? Bridport- yes I realise the question doesn't make sense. Go with it. Most of things I say won't make sense, FOOL.) This crawl of said vintage quarter will be succeeded by Coffee, and stressful makeup-dash in 'Boots', with my fellow psychopath-in-training, Mu. Mu is her nickname. And it's a beastly nickname, no?
As for nicknames, I have a couple: George (Lieutenant George), Lesbia (from Catullus' poems), and of course the general love, dear, babe, doll, bro, etc etc.
A nugget of wisdom: Cake is love. Have I expressed this sentiment to you before?
God save the Queen. Long live Bollywood.

-Daphne

Imperfect Tense, The Post Office, and Coffee.

Everyone, everyone! I'm back! It's okay, guys, I know you were beside yourselves with worry because I did not post anything last night, but they didn't catch me. My unicorns are safe. And the mermaids are back in the pond. *phew*
So, whatchoo 'orrible lot been up to of late? I, myself, have been experiencing the woes and considerable stress of mountainous piles of homework. I may gouge my eyes out so I have an excuse when my Latin tutor asks why my recital of the imperfect tense of irregular verbs is a bit shakey still. Sounds like a plan, no?
Ach. I think the lady in the post office hates me. *twitch* It's probably because every two weeks I have her filling out customs paperwork. "Where to, love?" "America." "Oh, okay..." *panic attack*
Poor woman. Meh. She's getting paid for it. Make the wench work, is what I say.
God save the Queen. Long live Bollywood.
A nugget of wisdom: The best men are like coffee: rich, warm, and keep you up all night.
-Daphne.

Stalkers, Professor Green, and Dolphin Rape.

You. Yes, you. It's me...don't tell the others. Okay, fine. But only when he says "Nymphora is go." Or else my emotionally unstable frog may take aim for February.
Hands up if that made sense to you?
If you put your hand up, you're wrong. I don't even understand it, and I wrote it. Fool.
Anyways, good afternoon to you. I suppose if you're still reading this, you're expecting something from me. Maybe not great things. Maybe not intelligent, witty, or well thought out things. But definitely something. So here it is: viva la fiesta! No. No, I joke. The real thing is this: my mate collected really creepy/stalkerish photos of some sixth former she's obssessed with. Her mum found them, and asked who this poor bloke was, and she told her it was Professor Green. Uhm...
Anyway, this is all.
God save the Queen. Long live Bollywood.
A nugget of wisdom: Dolphins are, apparently, the only other mammal that rapes. DUN DUN DUUUUN.

-Daphne.

The Post Office, Game Show Music, and the Pope.

Good morrow to you, reader. How are you? Scratch that, you never answer, FOOL.
I have been awake since 6.30 AM. I didn't think this ungodly hour existed on a Saturday. Why does the world hate me?! /despair/ Anyhow, child-sitting today was as expected. They nagged me to feed them, to take them to the park, to play the piano, and to watch DVDs with them. I can't even play the damn piano. Nevermind, it's work. And I sure as heck need it.
Moving onward, and upward. Did you know they close the post office at twelve thirty on a Saturday in my village? This frustrated me to no end, today. Now I can't send my urgent titterings afar to other lands 'til Monday. Do you realise the immense physical, mental, and emotional pain this brings me? No? Okay, then...bit awkward, now, isn't it?
Game show music. Does it mean to be that patronising? Or is it a natural talent it possesses? Argh.
OH. I know what I can tell you mere mortals. Today I watched a show about the Vatican. Personally, I found the most interesting thing to be that there's a River Tiber in the Vatican. Presumably named after the Roman Emperor Tiberius?
Not that a wrinkly old guy doesn't interest me. [Of course, I understand that it's not just his 'Olay re-energise' lacking skin that is important it's the fact that he is apparently Christ's representative on Earth. Hum...]
Nugget of wisdom: "Someone should tell the queen about 'Cash For Gold'..."

-Daphne